Nonviolent Communication

If we wish for a compassionate response from others, it is self-defeating to express our needs by interpreting or diagnosing their behavior.

If we don’t value our needs, others may not either.

Our objective is a relationship based on honesty and empathy.

“In spite of all similarities, every living situation has, like a newborn child, a new face, that has never been before and will never come again. It demands of you a reaction that cannot be prepared beforehand. It demands nothing of what is past. It demands presence, responsibility; it demands you.”

Ask before offering advice or reassurance.

Believing we have to “fix” situations and make others feel better prevents us from being present.

Intellectual understanding blocks empathy.

Listen to what people are needing rather than what they are thinking.

Reflect back messages that are emotionally charged.

Behind intimidating messages are merely people appealing to us to meet their needs.

We know a speaker has received adequate empathy when (1) we sense a release of tension, or (2) the flow of words comes to a halt.

We need empathy to give empathy.

Punishment damages goodwill and self-esteem, and shifts our attention from the intrinsic value of an action to external consequences.

Focus on what we want to do rather than what went wrong.

Defuse stress by hearing our own feelings and needs.

the more you become a connoisseur of gratitude, the less you are a victim of resentment, depression, and despair.

Saying “thank you” in NVC: “This is what you did; this is what I feel; this is the need of mine that was met.”