Useful Not True

My notes

Every statement everyone says could be prefaced with a disclaimer: “From my limited point of view, based only on what I’ve experienced…”

Actual facts are as boring as dirt. Nobody bonds over facts. They have more incentive to share their thoughts, which are never necessarily true.

can’t change what happened, but we can change the meaning we give it, which changes how we feel about it

Rules can be ignored. Breaking a rule can be rational and moral, if you understand the rule’s purpose, and no one is harmed.

Society doesn’t want rules to change, since most people don’t want the trouble. But improving the rules over time is necessary. Someone has to do it.

The world is as negotiable as a flea market in Marrakesh. Only a fool doesn’t haggle.

Everyone has their own problems. To know whose problem it is, think who benefits most from solving it.

Manners, norms, and meanings are never true. This is important to remember when people tell you this is good, that is bad, this means that, etc.

When someone believes something that seems crazy to you, consider what incentives, from their point of view, make that belief useful.

When asked for an explanation, the brain invents a reason and completely believes it.

Let go of the need for a reason. Ignore their explanations. The only true facts are their actions.

Memories feel like facts, but they’re not. People don’t doubt their memory, but you should.

Aim a laser pointer at the moon, then move your hand the tiniest bit, and it’ll move a thousand miles at the other end. The tiniest misunderstanding long ago, amplified through time, leads to giant misunderstandings in the present.

The most accurate theory is not always the most useful. And a rule of thumb can be far from true, but good enough to get you where you need to go.

You might never know the absolute truth, so what matters are your actions. If belief or doubt makes you do something good, then choose that view because it’s useful to you. If you’ll do nothing, either way, then never mind.

Distrust limitations. Strip away interpretations to see the few actual facts. We’re held back not by raw facts, but by the meanings we give them.

Maybe you’re full of nonsense, thinking you’re so right, thinking your beliefs are actually true.

Since you know other people’s beliefs aren’t true, you have to realize that yours are also not true.

Next time you look back, look again. Replay your past from different angles until you find the lesson or closure you need.

Beliefs don’t exist outside the mind. (Have you ever seen one in nature?) All beliefs are make believe.

If it was absolutely objectively true, there would be no need to get upset. You could just point to the conclusive proof.

Your first thought is an obstacle. You need to get past it. Outsmart it.\
Your instinct never goes away. But let your wisdom have the final say.

When my mind is missing the target, I aim it the other direction, to compensate.\
I tend to blame others too much. Everything bad is someone else’s fault. So, to compensate, I assume absolutely everything is my fault.

Beliefs create emotions. Emotions create actions. Choose a belief for the action it creates.

Beliefs exist to guide your actions. If you’re not acting in alignment with your beliefs, you’ve missed the point of beliefs.

Some people want one perfect solution that solves every problem. They need everything to fit — consistent and congruent. The rest of us use whatever tool helps us do what we need to do.

Listen to ideas, not their messenger. Focus on the contents, not the box. Avoid ideology.\
You’ve probably heard the phrase, “Perfect is the enemy of good.” Likewise: True is the enemy of useful.

Which story helps you do what you need to do, be who you want to be, or feel at peace?

We don’t have to imagine this magic device. We already do this in real life. We find proof to support whatever perspective we need to believe.

Meanings are entirely in your mind. But their effect on you is real. Like a placebo. It actually works.

Nothing has inherent meaning. Whatever meaning you project into it is your own.

I love that nothing, in itself, has built-in meaning. I love the creative power of choosing my own.

You choose your reaction. Not the first one, but the next.

Beliefs are often self-fulfilling. Whether you think you can or can’t, you’re right. Think nobody will love you? Think there are no opportunities? You can make bad dreams come true.

You seem to be locked in a jail cell. But if you know there’s actually a secret exit, you’ll look harder, pushing and pulling everything until you find it.

I’ll think of many smart but uninspiring perspectives, then one makes me bolt straight up in my seat, full of excitement.

Coming from a good state of mind, not angry, hurt, envious, or upset — not even ecstatically happy. It’s smart, and still seems like a good perspective a day or week later when I’m in a different state.

How do you know what’s the best choice? Trick question! No choice is the best in itself. A choice becomes the best when you choose it.

Eventually, you don’t need more information or time. You’ve found some good options. You need to decide. You need to switch from explorer to leader — to leading yourself.

You can go back to exploring after you arrive at your destination.

Consider the computer metaphor for yourself. You’ve taken in so much information, and heard so many instructions. That’s enough input. It’s time for output. Run the program.

Prepare for setbacks. Outsmart your future self that will try to revert to your old mindset. Trick the trickster in advance.

We know ourselves through others. If people say you have nice eyes, then you must have nice eyes.

Here’s a good rule from experience: If you’re considering something destructive — that would hurt someone or yourself — be very reluctant, keeping all other options in mind for some time. But for anything else, take the first step immediately, without hesitation. Start momentum.

You are your actions. Your actions are you. Your self-image doesn’t matter as much.

When you realize what you need to do, it doesn’t mean that’s who you need to be. You can just pretend.

But avoiding sadness is like listening to music with only major chords. The minor chords are so beautiful. I’m crying, but isn’t that wonderful? It’s a part of a rich life.